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Programmer's Terminologies

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  1. A number of different approaches are being tried...
    - We are still pissing in the wind.

  2. Extensive report is being prepared on a fresh approach to the problem...
    - We just hired three kids fresh out of college.

  3. Close project coordination...
    - We know who to blame.

  4. Major technological breakthrough...
    - It works OK, but looks very hi-tech.

  5. Customer satisfaction is delivered assured...
    - We are so far behind schedule the customer is happy to get it delivered.

  6. Preliminary operational tests were inconclusive...
    - The darn thing blew up when we threw the switch.

  7. Test results were extremely gratifying...
    - We are so surprised that the stupid thing works.

  8. The entire concept will have to be abandoned...
    - The only person who understood the thing quit.

  9. It is in the process...
    - It is so wrapped up in red tape that the situation is about hopeless.

  10. We will look into it...
    - Forget it! We have enough problems for now.

  11. Please note and initial...
    - Let's spread the responsibility for the screw up.

  12. Give us the benefit of your thinking...
    - We'll listen to what you have to say as long as it doesn't interfere with what we've already done.

  13. Give us your interpretation...
    - I can't wait to hear this bull!

  14. 'See me' or 'Let's discuss'...
    - Come into my office, I'm lonely.

  15. All new...
    - Code not interchangeable with the previous design.

  16. Years of development...
    - It finally worked!

  17. Low maintenance...
    - Impossible to fix if broken.

  18. Quality Assured Design....
    - We'll bombard you with meaningless forms, especially if you complain.

  19. Quality Assured System...
    - We'll bombard you with meaningless forms only if you complain.

  20. Modular Design...
    - Seventeen different programmers worked on it, with no management. We're hoping...

  21. Object Oriented Design...
    - Seventeen different programmers worked on it, with little management. We're praying...

  22. Modular, Object Oriented Design...
    - Seventeen different programmers worked on it. We're desperate.

  23. Modular, Object Oriented Client / Server Design...
    - We're stuffed.

  24. Industry Standard...
    - It works sometimes.

  25. User Friendly...
    - It works sometimes.

  26. Office Compatible...
    - It sometimes works when Office is present.

  27. Made for Win95...
    - It falls over less often under Win95 than NT.

  28. Cross-Platform...
    - Use it on any platform - you'll be cross.



    November '96

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